Trouble at the tennis club . . .

Hello, Gregory.  I see you’ve left the tennis club ?

Yup. Got fed up with them all.

Oh ! They seem a pretty decent crowd to me.

What ? Everything decided by the gents in the bar. Committee totally ignored and not even elected anyway ! Totally undemocratic. I’ve been complaining about it for years.

I’m on the Committee.

More fool you then.

I was elected last April.

How did you manage that then ?   Know someone I suppose ?

No. There was a notice on the Club Board in February about how to put your name forward and I just did what it said.

Oh. I suppose they just let you in on the old boy net ?

No. There was an election.

When was that. First I’ve heard of it !

At the Annual General Meeting.

Annual General Meeting !! That’ll be a first. This lot don’t have Annual general Meetings ! Too frightened that the members might get up and make suggestions. Annual General Meeting my foot ! Pull, the other one its got bells on it.

The notice about the AGM was on the Club Board along with the one about the elections.

I never saw any notices ! Held it in the bar of the Thrush and Pheasant I suppose when no one was looking.

No.

Oh ? Where then ?

In the Clubhouse, in the big lounge. A bit of a squash actually – so many people there.

(Silence)

The draft minutes went up on the board about two days later. Our Gwen is a speedy girl on her computer.

(Silence)

I daresay you could get a copy from the Secretary’s Office.

I don’t want a copy. I’ve left this blasted club once and for all.

Didn’t I see you playing here today ?

Yes.

An invitation game I expect ?

No ! Invitation ! I don’t need to be invited !  What ever next ? I brought the chaps from the office. Had a sort of mini tournament. Old Higgs won the bottle of whisky.

But Gregory, this is a private club. Only members can play. You know that.

Now look here George. I have been a member of this club for over twenty years. I was one of those who got it started. I am not going to be told what I can and cannot do.

But you are no longer a member. You said so. And you haven’t paid your fee.

I don’t care whether I have paid a fee or whether you think I am a member. I am going to carry on just as I have done for the last twenty years. Look, there is Rupert. He knows me. Hello, Sergeant ! Keeping everybody in order I hope.

Yes, we usually manage that fairly well, Gregory. I’d like a word with you in private if that’s alright.

A word ? What about ?

(Coughs)

Well, the Secretary says you have left the club, but that you keep coming in and playing, and she has asked me to have a quiet word with you to point out that this is not on.

You mean I can’t come in and play tennis any more ?

Well no – not unless you rejoin and pay your membership fee.

But, but, but . . . . What do I do now ?

Well, there are other tennis clubs if you don’t like this one.

But . . . . that’ll take ages !

Yes. Quite Possibly.

About The Author

Born 9 December 1933. Former Royal Air Force person. Retired Church of England Clergyman. Father. Grandfather. Expectant Great Grandfather. Paid up member of the Liberal Democrats. Fervent Remainer.
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